Conflict Strategies by Style

Conflict is inevitable and how you deal with it shapes your relationships. Whether your conflict style is avoidant, accommodating, competitive, compromising, or collaborative, you likely have a default strategy when you are confronted with a difficult situation. Reflect on which styles resonate with you and which might serve you better in various situations.

1. Avoidance

Those with avoidant conflict styles often describe trying to stay away from conflict, hoping it will resolve itself.

Do you often ask yourself, "Is this really worth addressing, or can I just let it go?” When an issue seems small, do you give yourself time to cool off and think before reacting?

Avoiding conflict can be peaceful in the short term and help you avoid unnecessary stress, but it can also let problems fester. In some cases, unresolved issues can build up and affect your mental health and relationships. It’s important to recognize when avoidance is a strategy and when it’s a coping mechanism that leaves things unresolved.

When it’s useful:

If it’s a small disagreement (like someone cutting in line or a friend canceling plans last minute), avoiding conflict can save you time and energy. It’s not always worth the stress to engage in every little thing.

2. Accommodative

Do you struggle to say “no” and find yourself wishing you could express your needs more openly?

Being accommodating helps maintain harmony and shows that you’re considerate of others, but if you always put others’ needs first, your own can be overlooked. Over time, this may lead to feelings of resentment. Striking a balance between kindness and self-advocacy is key to maintaining healthy relationships.

When it’s useful:

In relationships (whether romantic, friendships, or family), sometimes compromising your own preferences can keep the peace, especially if it’s something you don’t feel strongly about.

3. Competitive

When in disagreement, is your focus to prove your point and its validity, or to make sure that your voice is heard? If you love to win at all costs, you might resonate with this conflict strategy.

Competing can be powerful when a quick decision needs to be made or when standing up for yourself is necessary. However, it can backfire if you become overly focused on "winning" at the expense of others’ needs. It’s essential to respect differing opinions while pursuing solutions that benefit everyone.

When it’s useful:

If you need to make an important decision quickly, like in a fast-paced work environment or during a tight deadline, asserting your opinion clearly and directly can help drive the conversation forward.

Pro tip: Try shifting from a ‘me vs. you’ mentality to ‘us vs. the problem’.

4. Compromising

Do you prefer to meet in the middle, even if it means both sides give up something? Are you clear on what matters most to you when negotiating a solution?

Compromising helps find a solution when both sides have valid points, but it can sometimes leave both people feeling unsatisfied if neither fully gets what they want. It’s a good tool when immediate resolution is needed, but it's best used when both parties are truly comfortable with the middle ground.

When it’s useful:

​​If you're having a disagreement with a friend or partner where both perspectives make sense, compromising or agreeing to disagree can satisfy both sides without damaging the relationship.

5. Collaborative

Do you aim to solve problems creatively, making sure everyone’s needs are met? Do you often find yourself brainstorming to find win-win solutions that benefit everyone involved?

Collaboration can lead to the best outcomes because it involves mutual respect and creativity. However, it can be time-consuming and requires patience and a willingness from both parties to engage. It works best when everyone is open to compromise. If one person isn’t willing to collaborate, it can hinder and often halt the process.

When it’s useful: In situations that require long-term solutions, collaboration helps everyone feel heard and valued. It’s especially useful when there’s a lot at stake, and you want a solution that benefits everyone involved, such as deciding on a wedding destination or starting a family.

Conflict styles are all about finding what works for you and the situation at hand. Recognizing how you react and refining your approach can lead to more positive interactions and healthier relationships.